Chess Match
by gluon
Summary: Rachel Berry engages in a battle of wits with William Schuester.  The outcome is never in doubt.
1. The Opening

Author's notes: The Rachel Berry in my Rachel-Will stories is not the same person as depicted in _Glee_ (at least as of 1/1/11). She's not a virgin, having had a long sexual affair with Finn and/or sex at summer theater camps (referred to in one story as a "cesspool of sexual depravity" but probably no worse than many Baptist church camps). As a result, she's confident, self-possessed, not in the least insecure, and well aware of her talent, looks, and brains. She has a higher IQ and more talent than Will, and is his psychological equal. She is always the aggressor, and he is the more vulnerable in the relationship.

To see an affair between a high school girl and a teacher depicted realistically and seriously in a movie, watch not _Election_, but _The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, _featuring one of the greatest characterizations in cinematic history by the wonderful Maggie Smith, who won an Oscar for the eponymous role.

…

"Hey, big boy, come here often?"

"Rachel! Good heavens! [_Whispers_] _I_ know you're joking, but other people here might not. Be careful."

"Oh, pish, Mr. Schue. There are two kinds of people here. One kind knows who we both are and would know that if we really were having an affair we would never let it show in public. The other kind doesn't know either of us and would never think that such a dorky girl as I would try to hit on such a hunk as you."

"False modesty doesn't suit you, Rachel. Somehow it rings a little false. As to being dorky, I must admit [_Whispers_] you look particularly fetching this morning."

"As long as you don't think it's you I'm fetching, Mr. Schue, I'll accept the compliment. And are you implying there are times when I'm merely ordinarily fetching?"

"Yes."

"Now _that's_ why you were unanimously voted the most adorable choir director in northwestern Ohio."

"Really? I never heard about that. Who voted?"

"The girls of glee. Who else? And I'm proud to say I nominated you. I've also heard talk that the twenty-something ladies of Vocal Adrenaline would not only second that in a fluttering heartbeat, but have devised some interesting ways of demonstrating their feelings, as a group."

"Oh, come on. What would they want with an old guy like me?"

"Now who's displaying false modesty? And by the way, I know a few of the women who've been checking you out this morning. Want me to introduce you? I'd be doing them a big favor and they'd owe me. There's a whole weekend ahead of you and you could get lucky, very lucky."

"Okay, I give. Let's call it even. I should know better by now than to engage in a battle of wits with you. So, what are you up to on this glorious fall morning?"

"Same as you. Looking at books, looking at music. We have a lot in common, you and I. That's why we've been getting on so well. In fact, that leads me to ask a huge, huge favor of you. Here we are together, quite by coincidence, I assure you, pursuing the same interests in a public place, away from school where we're not equals. So, just for today, when we're being friends, may I [_smiles fetchingly_] call you 'Will'?"

[_Pause_]

"Sure, why not? It'll be fun. I hope."

"Goody. And I wasn't kidding about the women, Will. If you see one that interests you, let me know."

"You're incorrigible."

"Yes I am. Isn't that why you like me?"

"Who said I liked you? How do you know I'm not just putting up with you?"

"As Ms Sylvester told Terri, Will, a woman is the first to know."

"How did you hear that?"

"Ms Sylvester has a big mouth and likes to boast about her triumphs."

"'Jesus wept.' It's the shortest verse in the Bible."

"As you know, I'm mostly Old Testament myself, Will."

"Yes, I know, Rachel, wrath and vengeance. Our way is love."

"Love, eh?"


	2. The Middle

"Yes, love. The unconditional love of the Creator for his creations. That's a new vision."

"But isn't the God of the Old and New Testament the same? Did He change His mind? I thought He was supposed to be omniscient?"

"_His _vision didn't change. The people's vision of _Him_ changed. People create their gods."

"Talk like that turns me on, Will. You should go hang out at the student union at the U. You'll get more action there than even you could handle. And it's all perfectly legal."

"Are you flirting with me, Rachel?"

"I'm always flirting with you Will, although the method may change. You like it. That's why we're such good friends."

"I didn't know we were friends."

"Sure you did. At least for today. That's why I'm calling you 'Will', Will."

"Am I going to win a single argument today?"

"You already did. The theological one. And I didn't even_ let_ you win that one."

"You'd _let_ me win?"

"Of course. Otherwise, what kind of flirt would I be? How am I doing, by the way?"

"Very well, I'm afraid."

"Oh, please don't be afraid. I won't bite."

"Said the spider to the fly."

"I'm not a spider, Will. I'm a preying mantis."

"That's scary."

"A spider is worse. The fly just has to venture onto the web to be doomed. With the mantis, the male has to be fully engaged. And at least he gets some moments of pleasure. The fly is stuck contemplating his end."

"Thanks for the warning."

"It's the least I could do. Especially for so charming a victim. Are we having fun yet, Will?"

"Yes we are, Rachel. It's why I like you."

"See? The woman _is_ the first to know. And if there weren't so many people around who know us, I'd kiss you now as a reward for your honesty."

"I'm sure those people wouldn't be too shocked if you kissed my cheek in a display of girlish affection."

"Your cheek isn't what I had in mind, Will. And if you think I'm being girlish, you're in big trouble."

"Sorry, Rachel. I feel like I'm up in the air, running out of fuel, and needing to find a safe landing spot quickly."

"Okay. I understand. Look, it's too beautiful a day to be cooped up in a store. Why don't we go sit outside on the bench and have some lunch. I have food in my car that I'd be glad to share. And a thermos of cold white wine."

"Wine?"

"How old were you when you first had alcohol and had sex with Terri? [_Pause_] That's what I thought."

"Yes, but I wasn't sitting in broad daylight on a Saturday morning outside a busy bookstore guzzling vodka with a cougar. And whatever Terri and I did, we did in private."

"I have a thermos of wine and opaque plastic cups, Will. And every single person at McKinley, including the faculty, knew you were doing the cheerleader. Or was it the cheerleader who was doing you?"

"Okay, so I was being a bit hypocritical. It's a privilege of age. And speaking of 'doing,' what did you do to poor Finn. He's not smiling as much anymore."

"We broke up. It was quite mutual. We just reached our limit because we couldn't go deeper. This conversation and fun you and I are having today? I couldn't do that with him. Could you do that with Terri?"

"No, Rachel."

"With Emma?"

"No."

"With Shelby?"

"You know?"

"Yes, she hinted at it. With Shelby, Will?"

"I never got that far, but I somehow imagined I could with her."

"Like mother, like daughter, eh Will?"

"You frighten and amuse me at the same time, Rachel."

"Good. I mean to. That's why we like each other, Will. That's why we're friends."


	3. The End Game

"Vegan?"

"Everything but the crab, butter, eggs, and cheese. A girl needs some spice and a lot of variety in her life. We just wanna have fun. Isn't that a song you have planned?"

"Yes, and Tina's getting the solo."

"You rotten bastard. Since when does she own Lauper?"

"Since she can't sing nearly as well as you."

"Good save, Will. That's why I lo…like you."

"Good save, Rachel. Or was it good acting?"

"A great actress never tells."

"That turned out to be a rather large thermos."

"Yes. It's for an entire bottle of wine. Are you enjoying it?"

"Yes, it's great. What is it?

"It's a pretty good German Riesling. Gay dads have their advantages in taste, tolerance, and love of show tunes."

"I'm starting to really like you _and_ your dads, Rachel."

"Is that the wine talking?"

"Maybe. Partly. This has been a wonderful morning."

"Me too."

[_Pause_]

"What are you doing at McKinley, Will?"

"You don't know?"

"I mean, why didn't you ever try Broadway, like Shelby did?"

"Shelby was quite talented, and still didn't come close to making it. I thought of it briefly, but with Terri and all, it was just too much of a pipe dream."

"Terri's gone."

"Too old to begin, not enough talent."

"Not too old, plenty of talent and very good looking. I've been to New York and seen lots of shows. I know whereof I speak. Go over winter break or next summer. Audition. You have nothing to lose."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I believe in you. And I would never say that just to seduce you."

"You're trying to seduce me?"

"Of course. Couldn't you tell?"

"I wasn't sure at first. But then came the crab and Riesling."

"Well, they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"The way to a man's heart is through a beautiful, brilliant, talented woman."

"Are you trying to seduce _me_, Will?"

"Do I need to?"

"No."

[_Pause_]

"Mine was a class B seduction, Will."

"Class B?"

"Class A is when you get someone to do what they never really thought of previously and weren't particularly interested in initially. Class B is when you smooth the way for someone to do what they've really wanted all along."

"And how long do you think I've wanted it?"

"You tell me."

"There were two stages. The first was the instant you finished _On My Own_. The second is when you started having all that sex with Finn. You seemed to gain a lot of maturity and confidence out of that relationship. I couldn't think of you seriously when you were just a girl."

"Are you now willing to give yourself permission to consider making love to me?"

"Yes."

"Then do it, Will. Do it."


	4. Mate

"Stop. Undress me now."

[_Sweater, bra removed._]

"So lovely … So sweet."

[Pa_nties removed._]

"Yes. Kiss me there. God, yes. … Stop. My turn."

[_Shirt removed_.]

"I like nipples too. … Briefs, eh? … Let me taste you."

"No, stop. Inside you. Now."

[_They fuck_. _Three minutes elapse_.]

"Oh Will, oh darling, that was so good, so wonderful."

"Rachel, my god, is there no end to you? You're the most…, the most."

"The most what, dearest? I want every word, like I wanted every drop."

"Beautiful, sexy, hot, smart, talented, delicious, sweet, tasty, dirty, fantastic, incredible. I need a thesaurus. Did I say sexy? If not, sexy squared, cubed. And thanks for seducing me."

"It was class B, remember. You seduced yourself."

"True, but you can't say that under oath."

"I will protect you no matter what. They could send me to Gitmo, give all my solos to Tina, I will swear it was all my fault, that you were my helpless victim. And drunk on Riesling."

"It may be best if you don't mention the wine. Rinse the thermos."

"It's no use, Will. CSI-Lima will find your DNA everywhere, inside and out."

"Aren't you going to bathe? Emma can help in that department. Get you the full Silkwood."

"Ms Pillsbury, I have a problem that requires your counseling. Despite the fact that I was an underage, innocent virgin, Will Schuester has fucked me hard multiple times and left a quart of semen in my cunt. Also, his saliva is all over my tits and clit. What shall I do?"

"Multiple times?"

"I'm not finished with you yet, Schuester. Do you mind if I play with your goodies for a while?"

"Be my guest. I couldn't refuse you anything right now."

"They're so soft and cute. And covered with all sorts of yummy yucky stuff."

"That's mostly you. Give me your hand. … See, I was right. Now, my dear little nympho, you're going to have to be patient. I'm not sixteen."

"I would wait for you forever. Especially when you deliver the quality you just did."

"May I make you come while we wait for an old man to recover his manhood?"

"I'd love it."

[_Slow hands to begin, mouth. Five minutes elapse_.]

"Ohhh, yes. You should teach sex ed lab. And by the way, you've gotten very hard. _Quelle surprise_. Lie on your back, _s'il vous plait_."

[_Six minutes elapse_.]

"Dial 911."

"Cat up a tree?"

"Pussy up a pole and won't get off."

"Why, oh why, didn't I seduce you sooner? I'd have had a thousand more orgasms by now and a thousand more hours of the wonderfulness of you."

"I wasn't ready and you knew it. Timing is everything. What do we do next?"

"We're going to be very careful and discreet lovers, if you'll have me. I'll play the immature diva in school. Bitch, moan, cry. But when the chips are down, and I get the solo, I'll sing like an angel. So, Will, are we friends now, do you really like me?"

"Yes, Rachel, we are and I do, I really do. And more. Much more."

"Me too, Will. Me too."


End file.
